"A Long Night's Journey Into Day"... beautiful title (a reversal of the classic story of the opposite name). A stirring, painful documentary on post-apartheid South Africa and the TRC (Truth and Reconciliation Commission). Watching just four of the thousands of stories of horror and pursuit towards healing from the apartheid years was draining and challenging. The final story: a group of mothers who forgave the slaughterer of their sons - a staged death of many young men for political gain - when they weren't sure if they had it in them to even try to forgive. It was raw, and one of the most Christlike moments possible. You know when you see it in action... and it leaves you stunned.
Currently reading : Between Noon and Three: Romance, Law, and the Outrage of Grace By Robert Farrar Capon
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
goodbyes
some friends touch your life for merely a season or in one area of your life... others, much fewer, are lifelong and touch multiple areas.
my girl has returned to australia and there is a gap where her sweet spirit, refreshing authenticity and realism, truly unconditional acceptance and "cheering on" were. not to mention one who loves food, writing, poetry and beauty, and sought those out with me. i have a wealth of friends here and around the world - have connected with too many people to count, in one way or another. i have my lifelong kindreds, about four of them, who are the closest of the close, spread around the country, anita being the longest and most kindred of friendships over my lifetime.
but when a precious friend is lost where you live, there is a gap, a hole, that yet another long distance relationship won't assuage. there is strength from all too rare support that disappears. those nights of long meals and wine, heart to heart talks, shared poetry, tears, favorite films and shows... will have to end. no person is replaceable. there is room for more but there cannot be a replacement.
here's to the time we had and to those who have remained faithful over the years.
Currently watching : The Illusionist
A poem for Kristy before she leaves, 1-15-07
Golden
in smile and heart
She conveys openness
through arms of acceptance
believing
when you cannot
believe
in your own goodness,
cheering on your plans
cradling pains
sharing hopes
Unexpectedly she came
as a supporter of what is most dear
a ray of light in dark night
a partner in creative dreams
a reminder of who you are
when it feels as if no one can see
She is a gift of God
on that will never be forgotten
my girl has returned to australia and there is a gap where her sweet spirit, refreshing authenticity and realism, truly unconditional acceptance and "cheering on" were. not to mention one who loves food, writing, poetry and beauty, and sought those out with me. i have a wealth of friends here and around the world - have connected with too many people to count, in one way or another. i have my lifelong kindreds, about four of them, who are the closest of the close, spread around the country, anita being the longest and most kindred of friendships over my lifetime.
but when a precious friend is lost where you live, there is a gap, a hole, that yet another long distance relationship won't assuage. there is strength from all too rare support that disappears. those nights of long meals and wine, heart to heart talks, shared poetry, tears, favorite films and shows... will have to end. no person is replaceable. there is room for more but there cannot be a replacement.
here's to the time we had and to those who have remained faithful over the years.
Currently watching : The Illusionist
A poem for Kristy before she leaves, 1-15-07
Golden
in smile and heart
She conveys openness
through arms of acceptance
believing
when you cannot
believe
in your own goodness,
cheering on your plans
cradling pains
sharing hopes
Unexpectedly she came
as a supporter of what is most dear
a ray of light in dark night
a partner in creative dreams
a reminder of who you are
when it feels as if no one can see
She is a gift of God
on that will never be forgotten
Saturday, January 06, 2007
dannee's birthday
the surprise birthday party and gift from friends and family all around the country is still coming. as is the flashy, 'live-it-up' vegas trip (neither of us have been there in a decade) to wine-and-dine in a great hotel (got a deal) to celebrate his big 3-0 ...
but, today, his actual birthday is a day of spontaneously simple pleasures. the sun illuminates the rich, blue bay area sky. we head to the ocean, as if instinctually. on such a pristine day, it radiates. the waves are wild and massive, crashing over every rock with a loud bang. dan's new camera takes gorgeous pictures with fine details of sea spray and water rivulets.
breakfast at the cliff house bistro is surprisingly perfect: ocean view, warm atmosphere, lots of fresh crab, an eye-opening bloody mary (for dan) and soothing pisco sour (for me).
photos on the rocks, feeling the spray on our faces, warmed by the sun, we then progress to golden gate park for more photos, more beauty - lush, green, moist.
we went to the de young museum because we still hadn't been. it was time we did: a museum to be proud of in our city. fascinating architecture, interesting layout, and top notch art collection. the current Ruth Asawa exhibit, "contours in the air", was oddly enchanting. the view from the tower of the park, bay and bridge was yet another stunning SF panorama.
as the sun began to set, we sat on the lawn in front of the conservatory of flowers, catching the last patch of sun on the grass, for a hearty cigar smoke and more photos capturing the smoke snaking through the air from dan's mouth.
though it was his birthday, dan had written me a long love letter of the old fashioned kind: heart professions, the history of our love magnified by the fact that it grows only better with time, the oneness of our souls. the perfect birthday gift to me as we sat there on the grass... always thinking of me, a heart of true unselfishness, he is a man who deserves so much. and i want him to have it all ... and more.
Currently reading : What Jesus Meant By Garry Wills
but, today, his actual birthday is a day of spontaneously simple pleasures. the sun illuminates the rich, blue bay area sky. we head to the ocean, as if instinctually. on such a pristine day, it radiates. the waves are wild and massive, crashing over every rock with a loud bang. dan's new camera takes gorgeous pictures with fine details of sea spray and water rivulets.
breakfast at the cliff house bistro is surprisingly perfect: ocean view, warm atmosphere, lots of fresh crab, an eye-opening bloody mary (for dan) and soothing pisco sour (for me).
photos on the rocks, feeling the spray on our faces, warmed by the sun, we then progress to golden gate park for more photos, more beauty - lush, green, moist.
we went to the de young museum because we still hadn't been. it was time we did: a museum to be proud of in our city. fascinating architecture, interesting layout, and top notch art collection. the current Ruth Asawa exhibit, "contours in the air", was oddly enchanting. the view from the tower of the park, bay and bridge was yet another stunning SF panorama.
as the sun began to set, we sat on the lawn in front of the conservatory of flowers, catching the last patch of sun on the grass, for a hearty cigar smoke and more photos capturing the smoke snaking through the air from dan's mouth.
though it was his birthday, dan had written me a long love letter of the old fashioned kind: heart professions, the history of our love magnified by the fact that it grows only better with time, the oneness of our souls. the perfect birthday gift to me as we sat there on the grass... always thinking of me, a heart of true unselfishness, he is a man who deserves so much. and i want him to have it all ... and more.
Currently reading : What Jesus Meant By Garry Wills
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Everybody's Waiting
The final episode of what has been the most powerful viewing experience, Six Feet Under. Dan and I watched the final episodes last night with Skylar who has likewise been dramatically impacted by it. It feels tragically sad to end it and leave these characters who have become like friends, reminding you painfully at times of your own family, your own fears.
Claire's final drive across the country from LA to New York as Sia's haunting "Breathe Me" plays is a perfect ending. Nate whispers in her ear as she takes a photo of the family, "You can't capture this moment... it's already gone". The tears flow as this evocative phrase is exemplified by the lives and deaths of her entire family, and her own self, passing before her eyes as she drives the open road. The swiftness of death. How we are old even as we are young.
Nate also says to her that morning as she awakes, "Come on... everybody's waiting." The one comfort in this brief vapor of life as we know it, is that they will be waiting for us when we cross over to the other side.
Currently reading: "The Life You Save May Be Your Own" by Paul Elie
Claire's final drive across the country from LA to New York as Sia's haunting "Breathe Me" plays is a perfect ending. Nate whispers in her ear as she takes a photo of the family, "You can't capture this moment... it's already gone". The tears flow as this evocative phrase is exemplified by the lives and deaths of her entire family, and her own self, passing before her eyes as she drives the open road. The swiftness of death. How we are old even as we are young.
Nate also says to her that morning as she awakes, "Come on... everybody's waiting." The one comfort in this brief vapor of life as we know it, is that they will be waiting for us when we cross over to the other side.
Currently reading: "The Life You Save May Be Your Own" by Paul Elie
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
sharing the ache
his tears
are my tears
his ache for family
for childhood, the past
also mine
in the comfort of our bed
we cry together
we feel the hole
of incompleteness
the swift approach of death
united we hold the eternal ache
and wait for its fulfillment
Currently reading : Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith By Barbara Brown Taylor
are my tears
his ache for family
for childhood, the past
also mine
in the comfort of our bed
we cry together
we feel the hole
of incompleteness
the swift approach of death
united we hold the eternal ache
and wait for its fulfillment
Currently reading : Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith By Barbara Brown Taylor
Thursday, November 30, 2006
two nights
a cottage of wood-paneled walls
garden views and cozy intimacy
like a mountain retreat in the city
strung with lights
redolent with coffee aroma
warm with the bodies of friends
surrounding the table
feasting while Elvis sings about Christmas
sharing stories tender from our past
laughter uncontrollable
understanding familial quirks
bonding as family ourselves
in another night, repeated regularly,
we three congregate in our living rooms
giddy with wine
finding each other hilarious,
witty, delightful
simmering with jokes and possibility
sharing the confusion of waiting
the pain of loss
is as acceptable as laughter
and both happen
over "Sex and the City"
over martinis and chocolate
on a simple weeknight
where we accept all that we are
and love it completely
garden views and cozy intimacy
like a mountain retreat in the city
strung with lights
redolent with coffee aroma
warm with the bodies of friends
surrounding the table
feasting while Elvis sings about Christmas
sharing stories tender from our past
laughter uncontrollable
understanding familial quirks
bonding as family ourselves
in another night, repeated regularly,
we three congregate in our living rooms
giddy with wine
finding each other hilarious,
witty, delightful
simmering with jokes and possibility
sharing the confusion of waiting
the pain of loss
is as acceptable as laughter
and both happen
over "Sex and the City"
over martinis and chocolate
on a simple weeknight
where we accept all that we are
and love it completely
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Restaurant Review: The Front Porch
The Front Porch, Mission District, San Francisco (http://thefrontporchsf.com/)
In the pouring rain on a blustery Monday night, we entered a packed new neighborhood restaurant, The Front Porch, in the Outer Mission half a block from the incomparable Mitchell’s Ice Cream. Tucked into what looks like the bottom floor of a house with a front patio (as opposed to a porch) of rocking chairs and tables, the heat inside enveloped us as we ducked in out of the wild wind and rain.
For a Monday night, the place was packed and festive, requiring a 30 minute wait for a table. They only take reservations for groups of five or more so thankfully, with a group, we were seated right away and set up with an affordable carafe of Pinot Noir. The décor was eclectic, funky, yet laid back with warm, candlelit ambience. The welcoming atmosphere was slightly marred by the cacophonous din, requiring leaning in close to be heard.
Pondering the menu, it read as “upscale Southern comfort food” without the upscale prices, the most expensive item being $15, with most entrees around $11. The collard greens with tomatoes, onions and lightly fried potato ‘poppers’ were satisfying though slightly underwhelming. There was nothing exciting about the dish, no distinctive flavor, merely a straightforward, decent presentation of vegetables.
A bigger hit was red bean and coconut soup with spicy avocado mash. The mash was barely spicy, but the dish satisfied in textured beans with a hint of coconut offset by creamy avocado. Addictive and interesting, it raised the expectation level for our entrees.
Moving on to sweet corn grit porridge with Dungeness crab, habanero, lemon and scallion, we could barely finish the large, filling plate. An appetizer and the entrée were plenty for two accompanied by tasty, complimentary corn mini-muffin-like bread. The crab was fresh and sweet, soaked in lemon and scallion, but the dish had almost too much porridge without enough contrast or spice from the nearly non-existent habanero. Still, the overall effect was gratifying and well worth the price.
My vegetarian friend was delighted to find the daily vegan/vegetarian options in an otherwise meat-laden entrée selection. The option was a butternut squash dish with various roasted vegetables, flavorful and hearty.
We ordered the dessert special: a chocolate, peanut butter and banana “fried” sandwich, which seemed to be just some bread with chocolate, PB, banana and whipped cream rather than actually fried. The chocolate was dark, the peanut butter rich, but the bread a bit dry. The Southern “fried” sandwich we were hoping for was not what we were presented with.
A disappointing ending to what was a patchy yet very promising meal. It is immensely better than its overrated sister restaurant, Emmy’s Spaghetti Shack, which is lauded as a ‘hipster’ neighborhood spot, heavy on atmosphere but after multiple visits provides nothing but bland, boring food and obnoxious noise level. The Front Porch is already a huge improvement: cozy, interesting, and affordable with the rare SF option of eclectic Southern American food (thankfully, becoming more popular of late), making me desperately want this local spot to succeed. Having only been open a few months, one hopes that the “kinks” will be worked out and the magic suggested by its warm, intimate glow and front patio rocking chairs will carry over into consistent food … an ideal neighborhood treasure.
In the pouring rain on a blustery Monday night, we entered a packed new neighborhood restaurant, The Front Porch, in the Outer Mission half a block from the incomparable Mitchell’s Ice Cream. Tucked into what looks like the bottom floor of a house with a front patio (as opposed to a porch) of rocking chairs and tables, the heat inside enveloped us as we ducked in out of the wild wind and rain.
For a Monday night, the place was packed and festive, requiring a 30 minute wait for a table. They only take reservations for groups of five or more so thankfully, with a group, we were seated right away and set up with an affordable carafe of Pinot Noir. The décor was eclectic, funky, yet laid back with warm, candlelit ambience. The welcoming atmosphere was slightly marred by the cacophonous din, requiring leaning in close to be heard.
Pondering the menu, it read as “upscale Southern comfort food” without the upscale prices, the most expensive item being $15, with most entrees around $11. The collard greens with tomatoes, onions and lightly fried potato ‘poppers’ were satisfying though slightly underwhelming. There was nothing exciting about the dish, no distinctive flavor, merely a straightforward, decent presentation of vegetables.
A bigger hit was red bean and coconut soup with spicy avocado mash. The mash was barely spicy, but the dish satisfied in textured beans with a hint of coconut offset by creamy avocado. Addictive and interesting, it raised the expectation level for our entrees.
Moving on to sweet corn grit porridge with Dungeness crab, habanero, lemon and scallion, we could barely finish the large, filling plate. An appetizer and the entrée were plenty for two accompanied by tasty, complimentary corn mini-muffin-like bread. The crab was fresh and sweet, soaked in lemon and scallion, but the dish had almost too much porridge without enough contrast or spice from the nearly non-existent habanero. Still, the overall effect was gratifying and well worth the price.
My vegetarian friend was delighted to find the daily vegan/vegetarian options in an otherwise meat-laden entrée selection. The option was a butternut squash dish with various roasted vegetables, flavorful and hearty.
We ordered the dessert special: a chocolate, peanut butter and banana “fried” sandwich, which seemed to be just some bread with chocolate, PB, banana and whipped cream rather than actually fried. The chocolate was dark, the peanut butter rich, but the bread a bit dry. The Southern “fried” sandwich we were hoping for was not what we were presented with.
A disappointing ending to what was a patchy yet very promising meal. It is immensely better than its overrated sister restaurant, Emmy’s Spaghetti Shack, which is lauded as a ‘hipster’ neighborhood spot, heavy on atmosphere but after multiple visits provides nothing but bland, boring food and obnoxious noise level. The Front Porch is already a huge improvement: cozy, interesting, and affordable with the rare SF option of eclectic Southern American food (thankfully, becoming more popular of late), making me desperately want this local spot to succeed. Having only been open a few months, one hopes that the “kinks” will be worked out and the magic suggested by its warm, intimate glow and front patio rocking chairs will carry over into consistent food … an ideal neighborhood treasure.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Where are you?
After hearing Brian McLaren speak at Grace Cathedral yesterday - so humble yet with prophetic voice and open clarity:
If only there were more like him in my city: open, hungry, still evolving no matter what age, reaching the deepest, freest, most honest parts of faith and life as they mature, rather than becoming more dogmatic or 'comfortable'.
If only there were more like him to partner with, dialogue, seek, wait and be whatever we may be on that journey towards authentic, beyond- slogans-and-Christian-culture faith. Faith that affects all parts of oneself, not the parts that feel 'safe' to show. Rather than the constant effort and emotional attempts towards 'being stirred and on fire' towards revival that lead to little or no character change or healing of the heart, but more often to disappointment when one finds themselves unchanged and still not seeing revival, I crave the effort of faithfulness, to be honest wherever one is at, to seek God's face whether absolutes are shaken or even dissolving, to wait before God and just be, not have to prove anything with any effort, even prayer, to know that grace is a lot more encompassing than we even dared hope.
Where are you postmodern, emergent leaders who do not need or want even those labels but who cannot remain in the confining box of modernism and consumer Christianity? Those who cannot continue on with status quo of organized church and Christianese another day or it will kill your spirit? Those who must seek fresh, authentic ways of expressing faith - not more words, but more of a heart transformation towards freedom and acceptance of others and yourself. Where are you? If we could share our hearts and journeys, this gaping loneliness of evolving faith would not disappear but it might find a path of flesh and bone in our city. I know you're out there by the thousands ... I read your thoughts online, your books, hear your speeches (like McLaren's yesterday). But I find so few of you in my day-to-day, in my city: it seems as if we are still alone, longing for kindreds in the midst of blindness and complacency masquerading as 'faith on fire' yet without substance.
If only there were more like him in my city: open, hungry, still evolving no matter what age, reaching the deepest, freest, most honest parts of faith and life as they mature, rather than becoming more dogmatic or 'comfortable'.
If only there were more like him to partner with, dialogue, seek, wait and be whatever we may be on that journey towards authentic, beyond- slogans-and-Christian-culture faith. Faith that affects all parts of oneself, not the parts that feel 'safe' to show. Rather than the constant effort and emotional attempts towards 'being stirred and on fire' towards revival that lead to little or no character change or healing of the heart, but more often to disappointment when one finds themselves unchanged and still not seeing revival, I crave the effort of faithfulness, to be honest wherever one is at, to seek God's face whether absolutes are shaken or even dissolving, to wait before God and just be, not have to prove anything with any effort, even prayer, to know that grace is a lot more encompassing than we even dared hope.
Where are you postmodern, emergent leaders who do not need or want even those labels but who cannot remain in the confining box of modernism and consumer Christianity? Those who cannot continue on with status quo of organized church and Christianese another day or it will kill your spirit? Those who must seek fresh, authentic ways of expressing faith - not more words, but more of a heart transformation towards freedom and acceptance of others and yourself. Where are you? If we could share our hearts and journeys, this gaping loneliness of evolving faith would not disappear but it might find a path of flesh and bone in our city. I know you're out there by the thousands ... I read your thoughts online, your books, hear your speeches (like McLaren's yesterday). But I find so few of you in my day-to-day, in my city: it seems as if we are still alone, longing for kindreds in the midst of blindness and complacency masquerading as 'faith on fire' yet without substance.
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