After hearing Brian McLaren speak at Grace Cathedral yesterday - so humble yet with prophetic voice and open clarity:
If only there were more like him in my city: open, hungry, still evolving no matter what age, reaching the deepest, freest, most honest parts of faith and life as they mature, rather than becoming more dogmatic or 'comfortable'.
If only there were more like him to partner with, dialogue, seek, wait and be whatever we may be on that journey towards authentic, beyond- slogans-and-Christian-culture faith. Faith that affects all parts of oneself, not the parts that feel 'safe' to show. Rather than the constant effort and emotional attempts towards 'being stirred and on fire' towards revival that lead to little or no character change or healing of the heart, but more often to disappointment when one finds themselves unchanged and still not seeing revival, I crave the effort of faithfulness, to be honest wherever one is at, to seek God's face whether absolutes are shaken or even dissolving, to wait before God and just be, not have to prove anything with any effort, even prayer, to know that grace is a lot more encompassing than we even dared hope.
Where are you postmodern, emergent leaders who do not need or want even those labels but who cannot remain in the confining box of modernism and consumer Christianity? Those who cannot continue on with status quo of organized church and Christianese another day or it will kill your spirit? Those who must seek fresh, authentic ways of expressing faith - not more words, but more of a heart transformation towards freedom and acceptance of others and yourself. Where are you? If we could share our hearts and journeys, this gaping loneliness of evolving faith would not disappear but it might find a path of flesh and bone in our city. I know you're out there by the thousands ... I read your thoughts online, your books, hear your speeches (like McLaren's yesterday). But I find so few of you in my day-to-day, in my city: it seems as if we are still alone, longing for kindreds in the midst of blindness and complacency masquerading as 'faith on fire' yet without substance.
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Are these voices that you seek somewhere in between the "liberal" and "conservative" church voices we see in San Francisco? I believe they are in some ways. And I think that is why it is hard to find them here. It is, and always has been, very hard to remain somewhere in the middle, while in this city. Most people seem to come here in order to be ultra liberal. Then there are others who take up a position on the other side - I wouldn't say ultra conservative, but firmly on that side of the camp.
To live somewhere in these tensions seems anathema to the way of life, here. Or maybe that's just my hypothesis. It seems to go with the general publics view of SF...the loony liberals. Of course SF may be morphing from that main demographic, but its roots are very strong.
Also, to live in the middle in this sense sometimes seems absurd. I'm doing it, but I sometimes wonder if I'm just fooling myself. Maybe I'm just too scared to jump into the liberal pool at the deep end. I just want to test the waters out.
I've heard many stories about people leaving the church and becoming agnostic. I've heard many stories about people coming from crazy secular lives into conservative church. Where are the people like you and me? Slowly fading into the sidelines or growing into a true movement ala Brian McLaren?
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