I have leaped. In the midst of uncertainty, lack of provision, even any fulfilling options, I have stepped out and see no safety net to catch me. In the midst of this leap, comes another attack -stolen writings, photos, memories - peices of my past and my future. A true heartbreak. This week is dark. Painful. Empty. Bleak.
I read words from a friend of Anne Trumbo's back in February before James had died... when they were still waiting for a miracle. I suppose it is depressing and fatalistic that one never came. But the words I need just the same.
"Faith is always a leap off the edge of that which can be seen and touched. It stands between total victory and total disaster. It has no contingency plan. God's arms alone are the safety net. No healthy balanced person looks for wild chances to risk his or her life... However, God brings us to points in our lives where to not leap is to deny our foundational declarations. He carefully chooses the times and seasons of these critical crossings.
Do we really believe that God has spoken? Do we believe that He loves us and is not trying to catch us? Do we believe that He is able to speak to us and change our direction? Do we believe that He cares enough to do that? Will we let Him be our only safety net? For sure, the 'what if's' will come. The voices of doubt, fear of failure, and shame will come. They always do. Then what? In the end, when we have done all to stand, isn't there some alternative to reckless abandon? The violent take the Kingdom by force. Faith is always a leap. The ultimate question, the primary concern has got to be not whether we live or die, but did we do what we believe God asked of us?"