Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Fleeting Possibility

Life is plunging forward into the murky depths of busyness... this summer is insanely full of more weddings and visitors. Weddings of dear friends (Scott and Brooke) and in three weeks, my brother and close friend, Amy. Visitors have likewise been the dearest of friends, Adam & Kate, Shannon & Ephraim, and my truest Anita and Justine coming late August and September.

It has been hard to be as consistent as we'd like with San Fran friends in the midst of all this constant visiting and traveling, yet somehow threads of depth have signified our connections here of late. We have some excellent friends here. Two of my closest in San Fran, Elena and Laura, are moving home this next month (Denver and Washington DC, respectively), and I am so sad to see them go.

Change is certain - stability is not. Yet I can't help but pray in my bones for some things to be truly stable and peaceful in our lives: work especially. Community and relationship, certainly. Dreams and possibility... may they have soil to grow in, without having to be constantly uprooted as they often are in my transient world.

In my incredible miracle of a part time job now with Genentech, I have only just begun my new schedule, allowing previously unimagined freedom and openness. I fear trashing this open canvas of opportunity with wasted time and shallowness. Or with overcommittments. Or both. I fear it won't last and something will make the job fall through this year or next or soon. I fear this gift of time and space that has been handed to me will suddenly dissipate before I've had a chance to even taste of its ripeness, much less actually sink into it, allowing it to become as much a part of my existence as breathing.