Real Sunday

My favorite days: days of honest, soul-to-soul engagement and revelatory insights. Early morn brought the Eucharist at Grace Cathedral. Intimate compared to the 11am service in the cavernous, breath-taking space, the early Eucharist arranges seating in the choir area, making for a face-to-face, interactive experience. I don't know what it is but every time I am at Grace, I fight back the tears. I sense the presence of the Creator in a tangible way, connecting with the past, reaching towards the future. Somehow the name of Christ, over-used, abused and trivialized in most Christian circles, holds an unexpected beauty and tenderness here... as if new, revered, not overworn, marketed, for personal agenda.

With Scott and Louise, Dan and I walked to the quirky, darling Red Door Cafe. We talked for two hours over crispy french toast, huevos and cappucinos. It was the usual stimulating discussion of faith, the Church, leadership, our post-modern culture, frustrations and revelations. We sealed the discussion with a walk around Nob Hill, slipping into hotels to peek at the Tonga Room, savor the spectacular view from Top of the Mark, feel the woody warmth of the Big 4 bar at the Huntington. Scott and Louise are just what we have prayed for for years...

Back to Grace Cathedral to hear one of my all time favorite authors, Anne Lamott, speak. This is the third time I've heard her and truly it was the best. With more time and an interactive setting, she rambled, read excerpts from the book she is working on, was hilarious and profound. She tends to be fiercely political, exceptionally honest about her rage with recent miracles of grace overtaking these areas. What stays with me most, especially at this forum, is her blatant, simple need to be herself and not harbor guilt and shame over it. To realize she will not please or appeal to everyone, will piss off many, enrage a few, delight and inspire others, but in the end, she must be true and know deep within that she is accepted and loved by God, no matter what anyone else thinks. Not just know it but know it. Anne handled herself with humility and the usual self-deprecation but I also saw a stronger sense of peace emanating from her than in past years. It represented what I have been feeling in recent days, what I have been praying my 30's would be like and what I have been reaching for since I lost my audacity as a girl… to fully come home, knowing complete acceptance from my Source which then allows me to be freely and unashamedly myself while giving that same space to others.

From there, Karen M. and I went to the Persimmon Café in the TenderNob, talking (and crying) for hours. As is always the case with her, a kindred in the realm of 'realness', the time was transparent, beyond the veil, no pretensions or masks needed. We cried tenderly over recent revelations whispered deep into our hearts. Of the growing strength and knowledge of who we are, fully loved, beautiful, how this is transforming us as it has moved beyond words and ideas into growing actuality. From a far off, desperate hope, it has become actual character change, agonizingly slow but exploding by leaps and spurts as we turn 30. Karen's brutal honesty and transparency speak life to me... as does her unadulterated adoration and support of me. She has been one of those exceptionally rare friends who actually sees me at core and speaks life to my core, even if we rarely see each other, each interaction brings this level of depth… such a gift.

I returned home at twilight, full from a long, rich day. As promised, I called Manka back as we'd talked about attending a poetry event this evening. We both needed to be home instead but ended up talking over an hour about community, 'realness', the continuous evolving of our faith.

Full to the brim with encouragement, I saw God through each person I connected with today. Not so much through their words as through their honesty as they journey towards whole acceptance, authentic faith beyond words and culture (that loathsome 'Christian bubble' culture). As we seek growth of the character and the soul. God reminded me through these interactions that despite evidence to the contrary (when those around are well-meaning but on totally different pages), I am not alone.