rebirth

I am too tired to write. I want a nap. I love the breeze. I love Noe. The quiet (but for the occasional bus or train) corner of church and 30th. The coziness and intimacy of this city hood. I love my life.

I am working through issues. Fearful. Held back when I really want to break forth with passion. I peek out oft times, releasing just a bit of what wells up inside. I am not without fervor. But I have SO much more where that came from ... a world of fire to release.

If only I could see to the other side of this struggle and be there: At peace in my mind. No longer beating myself up, wishing I did or didn’t say things. Wishing I was bold enough to take the world by storm. In many ways, I am and I have. But this woman is ready for MORE.

It is time, I sense. Time for the part that got left behind. Time for a holistic return to my true self: to my girlhood audacity, my constant childhood state of wild creativity, my wholehearted, genuine intention and trust in others ... with the wisdom of an adult who see the world as it is, has fears and yet trusts just the same. Rises above to see the God who holds her and everyone together.

May I be the woman who holds beauty and pain tenderly in her palms, building sand castles with failure, skipping through fields with imperfection, soaring on waves with incompleteness. Making her home with freedom ... and allowing others to find the same in their own strange way.

I celebrate you, life, because even when I think I have reached stagnation or hoplessness, you turn around and surprise me with growth, newness, possibility and the promise of rebirth after every death.