A Long Lapse

So I have managed to avoid sharing my writing for months on end (despite good intentions), yet again. You have heard from me only once... not nearly enough to hear anything, really. And yet, I have been writing. Writing up a storm as I have for over a decade now with my library of journals. This past weekend, Dan & I sat in Samovar Tea Lounge in the Castro (a favorite haunt of ours) and wrote for hours. It was cathartic.

So why do I still avoid sharing any of it with you? I suppose it always feels like a commitment I am not ready to handle. As if putting it out there will somehow mean I am accountable to every word or expected to keep 'putting out', as it were. There is much fear and self-loathing involved whenever I think of sharing anything closest to my heart even as I love to open up the inner recesses of my soul to others.

I don't know why I avoid. I only know I do to a fault. I am ready to stop that and share some of the myriad of thoughts and impressions that flow through and from me every day. I could write novels of thought if only I had the time and will. This life is too full and thrilling and tiring to begin to say all that stirs within.

So I start by saying I will try to be here, even if a just occasionally. Don't believe me if you like. I am not sure I even believe myself. But I have to put this out there to anyone who might be reading (maybe no one?) I will attempt to put at least a few of the writings I am doing on my own time - or at least write a few additional words here.

Life is too short to remain silent and keep the endless waves of emotion, thought and life to myself. Thank you to those of you who let me share these things with you in person. But I do know deep within, always have, that I must share more in writing.

Here's to release.