Two amazing poems that make me think of Dan...

A THIRD BODY - Robert Bly
A man and a woman sit near each other, and they do not long
At this moment to be older, or younger, or born
In any other nation, or any other time, or any other place.
They are content to be where they are, talking or not talking.
Their breaths together feed someone whom we do not know.
The man sees the way his fingers move;
He sees her hands close around a book she hands to him.
They obey a third body that they share in common.
They have promised to love that body.
Age may come; parting may come; death will come!
A man and a woman sit near each other;
As they breathe they feed someone we do not know,
Someone we know of, whom we have never seen.

TOUCH ME - Stanely Kunitz
Summer is late, my heart.
Words plucked out of the air
some forty years ago
when I was wild with love
and torn almost in two
scatter like leaves this night
of whistling wind and rain.
It is my heart that's late,
it is my song that's flown.
Outdoors all afternoon
under a gunmetal sky
staking my garden down,
I kneeled to the crickets trilling
underfoot as if about
to burst from their crusty shells;
and like a child again
marveled to hear so clear
and brave a music pour
from such a small machine.
What makes the engine go?
Desire, desire, desire.
The longing for the dance
stirs in the buried life.
One season only,
and it's done.
So let the battered old willow
thrash against the windowpanes
and the house timbers creak.
Darling, do you remember
the man you married? Touch me,
remind me who I am.

Currently reading : On Modern Marriage and Other Observations By Isak Dinesen

Kronos Quartet and Ammons weave together in my consciousness

Last night Dan and I sifted through a dreamy Kronos Quartet concert: "Music without Borders" - music from Iran, Pakistan, Kazakhstan, Palestine and more. Free orchestra seats through work - man, I love my job!

Kronos is one of my long time experimental classical favorites (especially their "Performs Philip Glass" CD from 1995 - still kills me every time). I wish there was a CD of this show... very avant garde or completely different sounds for our Western ears. The variety and experimentation was inspiring.

As I describe a few favorite pieces, I'm reading A.R. Ammons, "Sphere: The Form of a Motion", and somehow both the concert and his poetry weave together in my spirit this week. The quotes are from Ammons:

33: "Order is the boat we step into for the crossing: when we/ step out, nothingness welcomes us: inspiration spend through..."

Kronos started the concert with the rousing, if brief, North African/Lebanese tune by an unknown artist: "Oh Mother, the Handsome Man Tortures Me", a title that amused both Dan & I.

57: "...everything in moderation including moderation..."

A traditional Iranian 1976 lullaby was haunting and soft. Glenn Branca's "Light Field (In Consonance)"? A revelation! Coupled with the slowly changing lights on the curtains... mesmerizing, unique, dreamlike.

70: "...I am terrified of my/ arrogance and do not know and do not know if the point in the/ mind can be established to last beyond the falling away/ of the world and the dreams of the world: but if we are small/ can we be great by going away from the Most High into our own/ makings, thus despising what He has given: or can we, accepting/ our smallness, bend to cherish the greatness that rolls through/ our sharp days, that spends us on its measureless currents: and/ so, for a moment, if only for a moment, participate in those means/ that provide the brief bloom in the eternal presence..."

"Nihavent Sirto" by Turkey's Tanburi Cemil Bey made me want to get up and dance.

143: "...by the time you amount to something,/ the people you meant it to mean something to are dead and you/ are left standing there, your honors in your hands..."

The Kazakh tune by Kurt Shildebaev, "Kara Kamir", is heartbreakingly sad and chilling.

153: "...lately, we've left out the high ranges of music,/ the planetary, from our response... not homogeneous pudding but/ united differences, surface differences expressing the common,/ underlying hope and fate of each person and people, a gathering/ into one place of multiple dissimilarity, each culture to its/ own cloth and style and tongue and gait..." YES!

The weaving, multi-layered, surprising web of Aleksandra Vrebalov's, "Hold Me, Neighbor, In This Storm", was an epic finish to an utterly unique and vibrant concert.

126: "...you can sit around/ and talk about it all day but you will never walk the tightwire/ till you start walking... fall off a few times to see it won't kill you..."

Currently reading: Revelations: Personal Responses to Books of the Bible

Favorite July Moments

1. Dan & I's gloriously lingering, life-filled Sonoma day
2. Stirring discussions with David & Amy at Flora or joined by Scott & Louise at our place
3. A free-spirited Oakland night w/ Dan, Tash, Ty, Karen & Gina at Angeline's Louisiana Kitchen, then Zydeco Cajun dancing, finished off with tiki drinks at Conga Lounge
4. Cozy 4th of July BBQ at McC's house w/ 15 friends
5. Spontaneous times w/ my girls: A & A over for late night talks, "Brideshead Revisited" screening w/ Anna, drinks (Fresca) and late night pancakes (Toast) w/ Anna & Lyla, Ferry Plaza Farmer's Market (bird poop!) w/ Amanda & Anna, Ryoko & Rye night w/ the ladies
6. Last minute visit: a day w/ my dear Shannon in Palo Alto
7. Jus sleeps over while Dan's away (Project Runway marathon!) - night roaming Hayes Valley and going to SF Symphony for Rodgers & Hammerstein concert
8. Many excursions with Chesna (Berkeley day, breakfast at Chloe's, rousing night w/ our husbands & Jo at Bourbon & Branch & Chutney)
9. Laughs, grillin' up sausages, watchin' Will Ferrell movies w/ "the boys" (Dan, Ty, Scott)
10. Great, long talk with Conor & Loni visiting from Canada
11. Building relationships volunteering at Mentone, feet washing at Boedecker Park Block Party & Human Trafficking meetings
12. Watching "Big Night" under the stars at Charles Chocolate Factory w/ Tash, Chuck, Chesna, Scott, Kristy, Ali, Caroline & Dan
13. Exploring old pirate and movie ships with Dannee all day during Festival of Sail

"And then the knowledge comes to me that I have space within me for a second, timeless, larger life." - Rainer Maria Rilke

Currently watching : Into Great Silence; Release date: 2007-10-23

Hearing and seeing more because we've tasted more

Reading more essays from the greatest food (and just plain great) writer of all time, M.F.K. Fisher. In "A Stew or A Story", here are some choice quotes from favorite essays, including wonderful bits on California:

From "Shall It Be... Eating or Dining?" (1944):
[After describing an ideal meal and courses, ending with coffee]..."I think the magic would have happened, and we'd sit for a long time with our elbows on the table, talking easily, hearing and seeing more than we had for some time because of the way we'd tasted more."

From the enlightening "Love in a Dish" (1948):
[In describing the three basic needs of life, food, love, shelter, and the poor quality and care of food]: "...having failed so completely to satisfy in harmony one of their three basic needs, it cannot be wondered that the other two, for love and shelter, are increasingly unfulfilled. There can be no warm, rich home life anywhere else if it does not exist at table, and in the same way there can be no enduring family happiness, no real marriage, if a man and woman cannot open themselves generously and without suspicion one to the other over a shared bowl of soup as well as a shared caress."

From "If This Were My Place" (1950):
[In describing her perfect restaurant, particularly a meal in San Francisco at a crusty, classic seafood place]..."If I were running this place... I'd leave it just as it is, cluttered and funny and right - right for now, that is: a bottle of cold light white wine, sizzling crab-legs meuniere, crisp bread on an ugly thick white plate, and beyond them the fog and the sound of harbor horns. But last week another place was right, a lunch of pure fantasy, of equally fantastic expense and 'restauraterie', in a beautifully appointed and beautifully managed and beautifully dishonest Beverly Hills hash house. And far back in my mind is that light high-voiced subtle room in New York, where the champagne and the finnan haddie were so completely right. If I were running this place, the mythical Perfect Restaurant, I'd try to be honest and fantastic and artful, so that I could serve forth what would be, at a given moment, the essential food, the nourishment most needed in a man's Design for Living."

From "The Art of Eating, California Style" (1981):
"... all I really know from experience is that the California way is the best, gastronomically, except perhaps for small places in southern France. But I have talked about California style with other people who know a lot more than I do, and they all agree that the eating, the foods, the dishes and the styles of cooking are for some reason better here than anywhere else in the United States. Why? I repeat. They reply: it's the freshness, the easiness, the availability. Or is it the ethnic influences? Or perhaps the climate? ... I have tentatively concluded that all of those factors are involved."

From "Only in Spots Have We Tamed the California Coast" (1985):
"The California coast stretches, for some thirteen hundred miles, from the Oregon border to Mexico. I have spent many of the good moments of my life along it, from the time I was three years old unti8l now, and I would ask no better than to end my days with the smell and sound of its wild surf wrapped around me."

"Across the water to the south [from Marin], blazing and twinkling at night and serene in all the changing lights of day, is San Francisco. Its court jester has named it Baghdad-on-the-Bay. This evocative title will do until a better one happens, but the City is literally indescribable... I have yet to leave San Francisco willingly... My only comfort is that I am confident I'll return, in one way or another, even as a ghost... It is the focal point of the whole beautiful coastline... The City, as its lovers smugly call it, rises pearly on its many hills, and all roads, at least in California, seem to lead to it. People feel lighter there, in their myriad ways, and there are clip joints and penthouses of utmost squalor or elegance to satisfy them, as they breathe the wonderful washed air and walk with unaccustomed vigor along the tipping streets. It is a fine place to be, the glowing jewel of the California coastline, in the planet's crown of such mysterious happenings."

Currently watching : Brideshead Revisited [Theatrical Release] 2008

Sonoma Redux

This Summer has meant a few excursions to Sonoma for Dan and I. Funny, since I hate Wine Country's scorching Summer weather, and prefer all other seasons (Fall!!) Yet somehow, it's been calling, and we've responded: exploring Sonoma Valley in particular (in the past, we often focused on Russian River and Healdsburg regions). I didn't think our near perfect June day trip could be topped. Yesterday, it was.

Starting in Santa Rosa with a pleasant lunch at Kabab and Curry House (Mango Chicken Curry, the one real highlight), we meandered through a number of lovely wineries, tasting little, but wandering grounds throughout Kenwood and Glen Ellen. After lazy hours exploring the countryside (including a stop for our favorite Wine Country Chocolates), we ended up late afternoon on the square of idyllic downtown Sonoma.

We peeked in historic, gorgeous Ledson Hotel's open-air lobby: Harmony Lounge. Though the heat was oppressive, confronted by crisp air conditioning within. One misstep in this lush room was two flat screen TVs, though discreetly placed. Diana Krall (live in Paris) played on both, and though not a huge fan (I prefer her repertoire of standards sung by jazz greats), the lilting calm of the music was just right...

We ordered a refreshing cocktail and a glass of fabulous Schramsberg Brut Rose as we sat by an unlit fireplace in big chairs, with dainty tables holding our drinks. We were startled as the grand piano next to us suddenly began playing along with Krall's piano, perfectly timed! The effect was one of live concert, reverberating through this opulent room of marble, velvet chairs, and chandeliers.

Dan read a novel, and I, my dear T.S. Eliot. It's been awhile since I've revisited old friend, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", so today I did. As always, his poetry envelops. Add sexy jazz, sultry heat clashing with crisp air, the tingle of fresh mint in my cocktail, and my senses were awake, my heart alive with love for Dan... for our life.

Eliot's atmospheric words added to the mesmerizing tapestry of gratefulness holding me. My favorite part of the poem is my favorite passage still, much as I adore the rest:

"And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea."

How can one part with such perfection? Only to move on to more... we made reservations for dinner at a gorgeous, stately 1800's home we stumbled upon on our last Sonoma visit, housing an elegant Southern restaurant, The General's Daughter. The meal was as good as we'd hoped, including the best Mint Julep (blissful fresh peach! with the mint and bourbon), a rich Cauliflower Risotto (with aged gouda and maple vinegar) and addictive Shrimp and Grits (with andouille sausage and leeks).

Satiated and satisfied, we took our wine out to the front (wrap-around) porch, which we had to ourselves, and sat down in rocking chairs. Just past sunset (8-9pm), this last hour was the most blissful of all. Dan smoked a special cigar and we talked, sat in silence, ruminated, reflected. I read some of Eliot's poetry aloud. We dreamed. We were alive.

The drive home embodied our day: the hills were outlined by remnants of Sunset's pink, melding with Night's dark blue... the gentle Wine Country breezes on a cooled down (though still warm) Summer's night... the soothing voice of Ella serenading us in the car... I caressed his neck, he held my hand as he drove... smiles of complete happiness... Together. Unified in beauty, living, tasting and seeing, love.

Indeed, there IS, and will be, time.

Currently listening to: Fight With Tools By: Flobots Release date: 2008-05-20

Favorite June Moments

1. Of course, that idyllic Sonoma excursion with my husband
2. "Gone with the Wind" Ball and sleepover (watched the whole movie over Sofia champagne-in-a-can and popcorn) with Amanda, Anna, Jus (and dashing Dan at the Ball) - we were celebrities for the day in our A.C.T. rented Civil War gowns
3. Crashing the "7x7 Best Of" party at Level III downtown with Dan
4. Brian & Liz' beautiful San Anselmo wedding
5. Movie night ("I Heart Huckabees") at our place with the gang and numerous dinners with Scott & Louise
6. Coffee in the alley at 4 Barrel with Amanda & Chels (separate times - I keep going back!)
7. Opera in the ballpark with Jus, Jason and Dan on a hot, sultry night
8. Dancing (square dancing, Hambo, English barn dancing), singing (barbershop quartet!) and enjoying music all day at the free SF Folk Fest with my Hus, followed by a romantic French bistro dinner at L'Ardoise
9. Watching the Solstice moon rise orange and full, shimmering over the Bay from atop Twin Peaks with Dan at midnight as the gentle, warm breeze caressed us... sat for one perfect hour on the edge of hill looking out over pristine, sparkling SF
10. Luke & Allison's perfect wedding in San Juan Capistrano... my sweet brother ... and the time with my fam (tender, unforgettable moments like Justine and I crying on each other's shoulders during a a long embrace at the reception... or Mom & I crying arm-in-arm as we listened to the violinist at Downtown Disney... or early morning coffee w/ Dad each day)
Currently reading: The Sound and the Fury-William Faulkner

day in sonoma

Every time Dan and I explore together, I find new beauties in this spectacular area I call home... new treasures we both get excited about, expanding our pleasure by sharing it (geeky or not).

After a French brunch at Sausalito's new Le Garage (dig that French Toast with homemade creme fraiche), we drove North to some wineries near Sebastopol, before ending up at the also brand new (had to hit 'em up, you know) Hopmonk Tavern, a beer garden and hofbrau that wasn't as kitschy as we'd have liked but more industrial and modern. Still, lots of beers on tap (made Dannee happy) and a kick ass plate of German-style sausages, grilled onions, cabbage, potatoes and an unforgettable creamy mustard sauce (made me happy).

Sitting at the bar, we ended up getting into a long conversation with the man next to us, a well known chef in the area whose restaurant was Zagat-rated, and certainly known by me. He was as cool as could be and excited about our love of food, drink and travel and about my food writing. He tipped us off to a massive vintage clothing store nearby where he's opening a French cafe (unusual), so we visited that after a great talk with him.

The next step was Matanzas Creek Winery which we didn't taste at but was a magical discovery with it's lush, purple lavender field. California quail were cooing, dashing through the lavender bushes, providing childlike entertainment for my bird lover husband and making the backdrop even more enchanting for photos and lingering.

Driving through Glen Ellen that afternoon, we stumbled on Jack London Village, in one light, a plain, old Wine Country shopping mall. But for us, food discoveries awaited. A cheese tasting chamber!? Bright, fresh lemon olive oil. Exquisite chocolates at the blandly named Wine Country Chocolates (nothin' bland about the PB&J, Elvis - PB&Banana, of course! - and Cinnamon w/ Clover Honey truffles! I am dreaming of more!) Bluegrass Bar & Grill - a delightful old mill converted to a restaurant with a fabulous outdoor patio over a stream, modern cowboy decor and most of all, amazing beef brisket!

The evening ended with a walk around downtown Sonoma's idyllic square, checking out menus, walking each alley, peeking in windows and basking in the glow of that pre-twilight hour.
Currently watching : God Grew Tired of Us (Documentary)

Favorite May Moments

1. Roaming North Beach and the Wharf with Dan for hours (after 4B coffee in the alley, fondue at Melt, reading, writing, roaming the docks by the old ships)
2. Chicago Speakeasy Ball w/ 10 friends... & dancing with my Dannee
3. Bette Davis movies at the Stanford Theatre with Jus & Amanda
4. Challenged to wake up to what's going on around us at Pilgrim's Place
6. Rousing talk over flights of wine with Karen at Cav
7. Exploring Sausalito and other parts of Marin alone on a gloriously beautiful Tuesday
8. Real talk over family style pasta at Caffe Sport with A&A
9. Bourbon & Branch, then Indian food, w/ Ben & Corie
10. Seeing Kenny Barron for free at Yoshi's w/ Dan (and R.E.M.'s Michael Stipe sitting at the table next to us!)
11. Sex & the City nite w/ girls (dressing up, cocktails, crowds, and, yes, female bonding)
Currently listening : Feel Good Ghosts (Tea-Partying Through Tornadoes) - Cloud Cult